How My Friends Saved Me
I didn’t know where life was going to take me and I thought all was lost – but having persistent and supportive friends by my side through the hardest times in my life helped me become found again.
If I were to sit down with my 15-year-old self today, I would play myself a video of all of the life-changing things that were to come. The future friendships, opportunities and countless memories would be something younger me wouldn’t be able to fathom. Not going to lie, at that time in my life I would think it was a load of crap and that I had to be talking about some other girl named Shelby….I mean SURELY. Back 10+ years ago, I had zero confidence. With school, puberty and playing 2 sports, I stayed to myself and tried to be as humble as I could. As cliché as it sounds, I was for sure someone who blended in. Any friends I had at that time, I kinda took a backseat to them. I never knew how to stand up for myself and voice my opinion. I would always worry I was doing something to upset someone else and was consumed with the fear of anyone being mad at me for some reason. Into high school, the drama every girl goes through would hit, as well as me having a season-ending injury from playing basketball. It sucked because at that time, that was the only thing I felt I was good at and loved being able to do everyday. But not being able to do what I loved just sent my confidence more and more down the crapper. My future self would come to realize that life NEVER goes the way you think it will go, no matter how good or amazing it is. During senior year we had just lost Dad, and things felt weird, confusing and completely unfair. But 2 of our closest friends (who we now own a business with) brought us so much laughter and joy helping us forget about heartache. I realized that true friends support you in the worst of times and like that famous quote, ”when the going gets tough, your real friends are there for you.” It’s almost as if it took a major heartbreaking event to make me realize that I needed to stop selling myself short. I know it sounds odd but it worked and now here I am the most confident I’ve ever been. Mom would always get onto me for never giving myself enough credit. In present day, yeah I’d get onto myself too. When Dad passed, the support we had from everyone in our community was indescribable. Overwhelming, even. After a death, you change drastically without even knowing. You start to find literally every small thing irrelevant and (at least for me and my situation) you basically just don’t give a F anymore. Things you used to worry about don’t even cross your mind anymore.
Fast forward another few months later to me starting college. I went into my freshman year of college knowing NOBODY from my hometown. To be honest, it was scary as hell. I felt so guilty and selfish for wanting leave because that meant my mom was going to be all by herself at home. But then again I also didn’t want to stay in my hometown either. I knew it was a necessity to go away and get a fresh start. Mom was the one who gave me the biggest nudge to step out of my comfort zone. I can just hear her sweet voice now telling my terrified 18-year-old self, “Shelby, you need a change and it will be so good for you. You’ll be just fine, sweetie, and I’ll be fine too – don’t you worry.” Mom also encouraged me join a sorority, which was taboo to me and I had no idea what any of it was about. My junior and senior year of high school I saw the older girls that had just graduated join sororities and I thought it looked kind of fun but never really looked into it anymore. I knew you made friends and hung out with lots of people, but how legit were these friendships? Was it going to be high school all over again? I was internally panicking FOR SURE. Then there I was filling out my PNM application summer of 2015 wondering what I was getting myself into. Fast forward to Bid Day in August and I was part of a pledge class with 45 other girls in the same boat I was, more or less. Then before I knew it all of the socials, retreats, meetings, philanthropy events and many many many voluntary hangouts started to pay off and I found myself with girls who were like me. We all had the same beliefs, were on the more laid back side and all had the same sense of humor. None of us were the popular girls in school and there were even some girls I met who had lost a parent or someone close to them – just like me! Now that was God right there! We all had our problems and forms of hurt that had stuck with us, yet somehow we all came together and managed to bring out happiness within each other. Just after the first 2 months of college, I knew for a fact that these girls would be with me for the long-haul.
When sophomore year hit, we all moved into the sorority dorms…all on the same floor…together….24/7. Now one can only assume we had an absolute blast together. No joke, it was like a big sleepover every night. I feel like that year in itself was when our group as a whole grew the closest and saw each other in a more vulnerable light. We saw each other’s weird sides and most admirable sides. We laughed until we peed our pants and cried while holding each other until we couldn’t produce anymore tears. Just an update on my confidence at this point in my life: she is doing great and getting better and better everyday. And I owe it all to those girls. I felt like by then my grief was getting thinner and thinner and I started to feel whole again.
Then my senior year, grief struck again and I lost my Mom. I already was expecting to slip back into a hole and lose everything I had gained the past 2 years. But God said “NO, here are your amazing friends to stand by you every step of the way…don’t forget about them.” And I certainly did not. The night of my mom’s funeral, I feel like they created the absolute perfect picture of what I mean by them saving me. We all had a big group hug with me in the middle, and I just felt this overwhelming feeling of relief, peace and gratefulness. That hug felt like a big, soft cloud lifting me up assuring me things were going to be ok. It’s almost as if Mom was joining in on the hug and she was with us in that moment. Right then I knew that this time around I was stronger, wiser and more confident. (can you BELIEVE it?!) Not only did they touch my life, but they also touched my sister’s too and have a strong love for the two of us.
Another way I literally wouldn’t have survived without my friends is how we all came together for each other’s boy problems. We’ve all got them and they’re inevitable so why not take them head on together as a group? Being able to meet people in college who have gone through the same agonizing process of dealing with a guy who you knew it just wasn’t going to work out with is so relieving. It also makes you feel like you’re not crazy. For some odd reason, all of the failed relationships hit harder in college – and that’s right where the besties enter in to save the day. No matter how extreme the breakups were, we supported each other and lent our ears to whoever it was that was done dirty. At one point it felt like a game of Russian roulette of who was going to be the lucky one to get a broken heart next. I don’t know, maybe there was something in the male species water. But despite all of it, we remained together leaning on each other knowing that our soulmates would come to us all in God’s timing. Never mind the fact that we were shoving ice cream in our mouths while crying watching rom-coms all in the process. Now in our mid 20’s, there is still a handful of us who are still in the same boat. We’re at the stage of realizing that there is no rush, despite what society in the south is telling us. We’re at peace while taking advantage of our single seasons. At the same time, we get to live vicariously through our other friends who are married and having babies. I mean we get to buy them allllll of the bridal and baby gifts and go to endless showers so it’s a win-win right?! (taking a moment to cry because I cannot believe I have married and pregnant besties now…where has the time gone!!!)
Right before I graduated college, I went through the biggest gut-punch of a breakup I had ever experienced in my life. It was almost as if I was experiencing yet another death and grieving all over again. But have no fear – my friends didn’t leave me in the dust for one second. They picked me up and helped me realize there is so much more to life than to worry about a guy. They gave me so many reasons to take joy in the little things and not focus on the timeline of getting married and having babies. They helped me understand that I didn’t have to have everything figured out by age 22 and be set for life by then. And most importantly they helped me become even more thankful for them than I ever was before. (which I didn’t think was even possible)
Being where I am today and having all of my friends that I do, I have my sweet and selfless Mama to thank for that. She pushed me to step out of my comfort zone and take the risk of starting college alone. I never thought I was so capable of finding girls who cared so much and could show me so much comfort. Everyday since I met all of them, I have asked God what I did to deserve them. If you were to ask me what a true friendship is, I’d sit you down and tell you that it’s something to appreciate and never take for granted. Knowing that a solid friendship brings you joy everyday is definitely a gift from the Lord. One of my biggest prayers is for everyone to find amazing friendships as I’ve have found over the years. Everyone deserves to have their own little personal support system who will be there for you no matter what. One thing for sure is that I know we will keep our annual girl’s trips going until we’re old and have gray hair. Who knows, we may even become real life Golden Girls and all end up living together somewhere tropical. Hey, with life-long friends like mine, I don’t think it would be so terrible.
So that’s how my friends saved me from all of the sadness, loneliness, emptiness and darkness there is. Just like the lyric in Amazing Grace, “I once was lost, but now I’m found” and isn’t that the truth. These girls found me, rescued me and put me back together so miraculously. I pray all of you find at least one friend that will give you the love, comfort, empathy and support I know you need in some sort of way.
with love,
Shelby
